Hearing damage
by angeleyenc
Summary: takes place after MBV.. A tear in the membrane allows the voices in, they want to push you off the path... Sam is in the panic room again. If only he tried harder to resists famine than maybe he wouldn't be in this situation again.


**Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural nor the song by Thom York of Radio Head.**

The light glared down upon the sleeping figure lying across the too small cot. The figure was sealed in a iron clad room with a fan spinning above him. The figure was that of a man in his late twenty's who was 6'4 with tan skin and hazel eyes, brown hair that was long enough to reach past his eyes. This figure was curled up into a ball shaking. The earlier tremors from before had passed if only for a moment. The screams had died down to a hoarse whisper. All Sam Winchester could think about was he failed again. No matter how many times he tried to do something right it always went wrong. Just as he thought this the voices came back again.

_A tear in the membrane  
Allows the voices in  
They wanna push you off the path  
With their frequency wires _

They said "freak," "worthless," "no good," "monster," and the most heartbreaking of all "no longer brothers" that right there made Sam Winchester scream. He screamed so loud that no sound came out. Tears came down, his face broke into sobs. His body started shaking more almost seizure like. It wasn't so much the words that hurt but it was who the voice belonged to. Dean. That hurt so much worse than words could describe. He knew he let Dean down. again. He knew he may never get his brothers trust back if ever. 'I'm sorry dean' he thought.

_You can do no wrong  
In my eyes  
In my eyes  
You can do no wrong  
In my eyes  
In my eyes _

The first time Sam had drank it, it was nothing like he ever tasted. It was like his own personal brand of heroin. It gave him power and he liked it. that was the good part. The bad part was that it was everything he didn't stand for. It was evil and he didn't want it anymore. But the thing was he couldn't stop even if he tried, or at least that was what he thought at the time. Without Dean there what else was there to live for? Nothing. The only thing that kept him going was Ruby and revenge. Sam shuddered. He never wanted to think of her ever again. At some point images flashed through his mind taking him back to a time when he was at college with Jessica and how he failed to protect her, maybe if he told her about his life he could've saved her. Dean coming to get Sam for help in finding their dad. Sam and John talking and not yelling for once. John smiling at Sam saying how proud he was. Then John dying. Then another came up of Dean dying by Lilith's hand and failing to stop it.

_A drunken salesman  
Your hearing damage  
Your mind is restless  
They say you're getting better  
But you don't feel any better _

Now all he could hear were the voices in his head telling him the same things over again. Flashes of memories good and bad running through his mind all saying the same thing. 'It's always been you, freak, monster, vampire,' over and over. Until he screamed again. This time the door flew open and Dean stepped into the room tears running down his face. Seeing Sam thrash his body and falling. Dean took two steps and was by his side holding Sam close to his chest. Murmuring comforting words of "I got you Sam, and hold on." Dean didn't know wheather he was comforting Sam or himself.

_Your speakers are blowing  
Your ears are wrecking  
Your hearing damage  
You wish you felt better  
You wish you felt better_

Sam continued to thrash but was holding onto Dean for dear life all the while screaming until his voice ran out. Dean buried his face in Sam's shoulder. He kept thinking 'it's all my fault, all of it.' he thought. "No, Dean it isn't" said a voice. Dean whipped his head around and saw Castiel standing in the doorway. "Yes, it is Cas, i mean i should've protected him better, i-" "Dean stop, no of this is your fault" he said coming closer to the brothers who were more like family to him than anyone in heaven ever was to him. He knelt down by them and placed comforting hands on both of them. For the first time Dean welcomed castiels comfort. With that Cas leaned his head down and prayed to a god who may or may not be out there begging for help and most of all forgiveness.

_(but at least)  
You can do no wrong  
In my eyes  
In my eyes  
You can do no wrong  
In my eyes  
In my eyes  
In my eyes _

_In my eyes  
In my eyes  
In my eyes_

It was three days later that sam woke up curled against something warm and comforting that he didn't want to get up. He looked around and realised that it was Dean. Dean for his part was asleep. He looked over to panic room door to see Castiel standing guard.

"Cas?" he called out in a hoarse voice.

Castiel turned and looked at Sam.

"Hey, Sam how are you feeling?"

"Like i got run over from a truck." Cas went over to the table and got Sam a glass of water for his parched throat. Sam lifted his head and Cas tipped the glass carefully to Sam's lips. After a moment Cas took the water away.

"How long was i out?"

"four days."

Sam just nodded.

"Sam just so you know it wasn't your fault, any of it. You were a victim just like i was."

"No, it is my fault Cas, if i tried hard enough i wouldn't be in this situation again."

"Sam no-"

"But-"

"Sam" called a husky voice next to him.

Sam turned to the voice he called home once but now he didn't think it would be possible again.

"Cas is right, it isn't your fault."

"But Dean, i-

"Sam, so help me if you say sorry one more time i'm definitely going to kick your ass."

"Sam famine got to you like everybody else."

"But he-

"No, he got to me too, just different."

"Sam, i'm only going to say this once, you are my brother, and always will be understand?"

Sam nodded.

"No matter what happens you are my brother you got that? and we are team free will remember?"

Sam nodded shedding tears coming.

Dean hugged Sam.

"If you either of you tell bobby about this i will start throwing punches." Sam and Cas smirked.

With that all three figures left the panic room together dragging their newly found strength and facing the unknown once again.

A/N: I didn't know how to end this.. so good? bad? review! pretty please with a angel and two hot winchesters on top!


End file.
